My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
