i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
