We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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