I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I intend to get homeless drunk
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
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