oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
