Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
