I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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