But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
