I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
