This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
