i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
