Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
