the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just want nice things and good sex
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
