Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
