so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
