i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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