"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
