his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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