Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
