Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
