I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
