I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
