I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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