Pants 0. Shit 1.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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