I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
