Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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