just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
