Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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