Non-Jews are for practice
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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