I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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