I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
