Can i not drive my cunt home
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
