That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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