I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I need to wash the frat house off of me
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
