mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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