I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
