When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
