can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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