My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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