She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
