we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
