I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
