i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
