I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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