Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
