My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
