i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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