I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
