sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
