i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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