I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
