im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
