is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
