did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
