oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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