I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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