if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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